Do You Think I’m Sexy?

No, I’m not really asking you if you think I’m hot. I do, however, want to talk to you guys about body confidence. For as long as I’ve been aware of my own and other girls’ bodies I have felt jealous. I can’t help but wonder that if I was skinny, tanned and ‘hot’, would I finally be satisfied? Even happy?

I’ve been in a great, strong and loving relationship for 3 years now. He’s amazing, funny and seems to fancy me no matter what I look like. But over the last few months, I’ve become increasingly withdrawn in our relationship. Sex used to be fun, a thrill. Now I have become so anxious about taking my clothes off that it’s ruining the passion that we once had. Making love isn’t so sexy when I’m constantly tugging the covers up to my chin. I’ll barely kiss with the lights on as it might rub my makeup off. Isn’t that sad?

I just don’t know what to do any more. So, I’m asking you guys for advice? Have you gone through a dry patch? How did you rekindle the spark? What can I do to get out of this funk?

Love, A x

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11 thoughts on “Do You Think I’m Sexy?

  1. From a guy with self esteem issues – what helped me was talking to my (now) wife about it. Getting my issues off my chest to the most important person in my life helped tenfold. She provided the support I couldn’t get trying to fight it alone. Love and compassion may be the path to getting the spark back.

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  2. I know the feeling- I suffered/suffer with an ED to self confidence is impossible for me! It is hard once you get the idea in your head but you just have to keep telling yourself that they are with you because they love you and everything about you x

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  3. Love this post! I think a lot of woman are in the same position. We have such pressures on us to look/ act a certain way and you’re gorgeous. I used to think exactly the way you do and it wasn’t until I went to see a counsellor (it took me ages to find one I actually clicked with!) that I did some work on how not to feel like this! Opening up to the other half will help too. Maybe it’ll take some stress out of it all for you xx

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  4. You know, as many people have confidence issues, and am not sure about whether its always been like that, or if its late. That’s just an educated guess however, but would throw myself in it. Why is this? Because, as a society, we’ve become quite superficial, and as most are usually trying to put their most superficial selves out there, authenticity is getting lost in the fold. This isn’t about you, am talking in general by the way. If most people were [hypothetically] dealing with such issues, they wouldn’t talk about it, right? Most people aren’t brave to bring up their issues – especially major ones that deal with love/sex/relationships. People are afraid of being judged, and that comes with the turf these days in society, which is very, very sad. Being open about your emotions is but the initial step in dealing with many significant issues.

    In any case, as someone who used to be very very self conscious in the past, definitely know what you’re going to through a point. What helped me personally, was not only talking about it, but being open with that person, and other people as well as what the problem might be. Talked endlessly myself with different close friends and the stress went away. It just seemed like anxiety/stress just one time came out of NOWHERE and it was like, sex was fun, great, adventurous, then, it became a freaking riddle! Reading higher level math would have been easier that being in the sack, and THAT’S BAD lol. Anyways, the best thing to do is to seek the source of your anxiety, and tackle it head on. Am not sure what it could be, only you could know yourself after some time. Sometimes anxiety starts with the smallest things, which then snowball into the largest issues. Also, make sure you’re not down-talking yourself. This has happened to people, as well as me. Thinking that you’re not worthy, wanted, sexy, or even special, will get you in a funk faster then drinking gallons of tequila. The other thing is that, your mental landscape has to be extremely incisive for you to be able to kick ass and take names.

    These are just suggestions, and am trying to be as quick as possible because am pressed for time, but make sure that you are your own Queen of YOUR Universe. Do things that make you happy, please you, help your confidence, especially the little things. Its funny how the smallest of circumstances/nudges will help people in boundless ways. Once you figure out what’s helping your confidence, ride that storm into your new horizon and don’t let it stop you. It might take days, weeks, or longer, but stay at it. If talking isn’t easy, write about it. Being proactive, even if only mentally will help you leaps in bounds. As a guy that went through the male version of what you’re going through in the past, can definitely relate in many ways. Take it easy, don’t press yourself, and don’t let anybody walk over you, regardless of what it is. Know who you are, and don’t be afraid to be your own bastion. You’ll get over this. Of this am sure. One last thing. It just popped up in my head, but making a list of what you love doing, and what you dislike doing, or what you dislike that’s done to you on opposite sides. See if on the negative side, any of those things that hurt your confidence are taking place daily, because many times they happen. In my life it was having negative people in my life, and my stress level would SKYROCKET to the stratosphere. That turned into its own big issue. Sift those out and get rid of them. On the opposite side of the list, whatever drives you, whatever you love doing, even if its the simplest of things like turning on candles, or whatever. make a mental note to do it daily. Keep your focus and you will do great. Sorry this was so long, was just attempting to be as precise as possible. Hope this makes sense.

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  5. I thought I had self confidence issues before pregnancy. Woah would I feel blessed to have that body again! It’s a daily struggle. Something that helps me is I tell myself life isn’t a fashion show. I wasn’t put here to be pretty for people. You have to just keep in mind that your partner loves your body more then you even know!

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